NTAG Tales: Current Events
by Nut862
Summary: The current ongoing tale of the adventures at NTAG. A place where Belle dolls are auctioned off and Rabid Shadow Meepits prey on evertransforming humans, and none are sane.
1. Belle Doll for Auction!

Author's Note: This story takes place in the present, while my other one is about the past; therefore I'm separating them into different pieces. More chapters will be added to the last one as well. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this story. That is, you'd better enjoy reading it… Muaha—cough.

Oh, and since I've been seeing these disclaimers around, I might as well say that I don't own Neopets. Donna owns Neopets. I mean, Adam does. Or Snarkie, or Droplet. Or Lawyerbot. Or the Meepits. Actually, I'm not sure, but I'd go with the Meepits. Regardless, I don't own Neopets. Nor do I own anything else that I can get sued for. I just wrote the story. Moving on…

Nut floated on the surface of the sparkling water, enjoying the cool wetness that made up the NTAG ocean. It was a very peaceful day at the guild for the Belle doll. For a member as active as she was, it was rather surprising that she hadn't gotten into too many scrapes. Of course there was the whole Kiko-popping incident in the past, but that was done and gone now. Nut's alter species was a Kiko, but right now she favored the Belle doll. It was so nice to be able to swim. Water was so calming.

"Where's the cheese?"

"I STOLE IT! MUAHAHA, I will rule the world!"

"I-I'm going to die! Give it back!"

CRASH! BANG! "Missed me!"

"Someone get Nano to the hospital wing." The sound of a chainsaw being started up filled the air. RRRRRRR… "I'll take care of her."

"Roofle!"

BOING!

WHAM!

"The trampoline seems to have broken."

RRRRRR… "Another patient. Bring her over here."

"Meep."

"Ahh! RSM!"

CHOMP!

Nut smiled. It was a peaceful day indeed. She was the only one in the ocean. The other Belle doll of the guild, Luau, was busy working on a story for the Neopian Times, and the rest of the members of the Water Tribe were running around elsewhere in the guild. One of them, Heather, was quite busy with her duties as certified guild doctor; she stood in the hospital wing with her chainsaw at the ready. No doubt the others were occupied as well.

Nut arced her scaly body and dove gracefully below the surface of the water. But before she had completed her dive, she felt a claw take hold of her tail and start pulling her out of the water. Suddenly panicked, she began to wave her arms wildly and thrash with as much of her tail as she had use of with her bottom fin held in a tight grasp. It was of no use, and the Belle doll found herself being rather _un_gracefully hauled out of the water by her tail.

_Who dares pay me this indignity?_ Nut thought angrily, immediately beginning to plot revenge on whoever her captor was. Blood rushed to her face, probably caused by her current position hanging upside-down by the offending talons.

"Come here, little Belle doll," a familiar voice cooed. Nut struggled to turn her head and see who was holding her in this most humiliating manner. She caught a glimpse of white feathers and realized that it was none other than Leah, a rather mischievous White Weewoo. Of course it would be _her_.

"Let me go!" Nut said, her tiny voice choked due to her uncomfortable position. "What do you think you're doing?"

Leah took no notice and flew up, carrying the struggling doll in her claws, and dropped Nut unceremoniously into her inventory. Nut threw her arms out to protect herself from the fall, but still landed rather hard. Standing up on her tail, Nut looked around indignantly. She found herself surrounded by blobs of partially eaten omelettes and chunks of wiggling jelly, along with various other items that Leah had recently grabbed during a restock.

"Leah, what on earth—" Nut began, and then stopped. She watched in surprise as the White Weewoo flew up to a podium and took a gavel in her claws. Leah faced the eagerly assembled members of NTAG, ignoring the non-assembled members who were still dealing with Nano and the missing cheese, and announced, "I have here a lovely, unique Belle doll! What am I bid?"

"I'll put my NP on her!" exclaimed Dragonfly. The elf eagerly eyed the bewildered Nut.

The Belle doll was in a state of utter confusion. It seemed to her that her fellow guild members were betting on her, as if she were a Poogle in a Poogle race. While she was honored that she would be considered worthy of betting, gambling had never been her thing. "Hey, what are you guys betting on me to do?" she asked.

Her question was ignored. Leah flew off the podium and went over to the elf. "How much?" she whispered.

Dragonfly winked and slid a small money sack into the Weewoo's wing.

Leah opened it and gasped. Returning to her podium, she announced, "An anonymous bidder has placed a total of 25 NP on Nut! Do I hear 50 NP?"

"I'd really like to know what you want me to do," Nut said nervously, edging away from the gooey chunk of green pepper omelette she was sitting next to. The egg was oozing off of it, and it appeared to be coated in saliva. She wondered who had last chewed on it.

"50 NP!" yelled Dragonfly.

"I have 50 NP. Do I hear 75? Going once…" Leah shouted, waving her gavel.

Nut saw it all now. Leah was auctioning off the Belle doll. "Ho hum," she yawned, leaning back against a plushie. "Wait a minute!" she exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. "Why do you want to buy me, you fiends? I'm alive!"

"I bid 75.3 NP!" cried Dragonfly.

"You do realize that you're bidding against yourself?" Nut mumbled.

"Don't _tell_ her that," Leah hissed. In a louder voice she continued calling, "100 NP, anyone? 100 NP!"

The elf walked over to Nut and smiled sweetly at her. "Nice little Belle doll," she giggled, squeezing the doll gently.

"I'm _Nut_, and what you're doing is slightly creeping me out."

"100 NP!" the Weewoo broke into her thoughts. "100 NP, anyone? Going once… going twice…!"

"500 NP!" Nut yelled, shaking free of Dragonfly's grasp. She would get out of this situation if she had to buy herself back to do it.

"I have 500 NP. Do I hear 600?"

"Hello all!" shouted a slightly crazed voice. A Silver Lupess came prancing in, followed by a pack of Rabid Shadow Meepits. Meep waltzed up to Leah's podium and said sweetly, "I'll give you 2,000 for her." She danced away.

"3,000!" Nut cried.

"10,000!" Meep said in a singsong voice.

"25,000!" Nut said tearfully. To think that she would be forced to part with so many of her hard-earned Neopoints, all for her own freedom.

"I have 25,000 NP for the talking unbuyable Belle doll! Do I hear 50,000?" Leah shouted, swinging her gavel.

Dragonfly was already daydreaming about what she would do with the lovely Belle doll once purchased. "I'll have her be the kitty that the big evil boss is always stroking, except she's a Belle doll instead of a kitty."

"I just wanna hu-u-u-ggle her!" Meep exclaimed, jumping up and down in anticipation.

"Meep," said a RSM, throwing a glance at Nut. It seemed to be planning on what to do with her if it got her in its clutches. Even the Meepits, Nut's former allies, were turning against her in the race to win her from the auction.

Nut grated her teeth. "Shouldn't I have a say in this?" she screeched hotly. "I don't want to be auctioned off!"

Leah looked at her in annoyance. "You complain too much." She flew over and picked up the Belle doll in her talons.

"Not this again," Nut mumbled as she hung upside-down from her tail.

Leah dumped Nut into her Safety Deposit Box and locked the door. Nut found herself inside a dark, dank cubicle, surrounded by items of all kinds, from Tombola junk to rotting old Cheops Plants.

"That'll keep her quiet," Leah said to herself, returning to her podium. "The auction continues!" she bellowed. "Do I hear 50,000 NP for the talking, complaining, unbuyable Belle doll? Anyone?"

Shouts erupted from around NTAG, all calling out increasing amounts of Neopoints. Now many people wanted to own the Belle doll. No one heard the faint beating of tiny fists against the door of Leah's Safety Deposit Box, except for the Weewoo. But of course she wasn't going to let her out.

Nano, who was apparently on leave from the hospital, flew into the room and shouted, "150,000 NP!"

"200,000," Meep said dreamily.

"You outbid me!" Nano grabbed her cheese mallet and knocked the Lupess on the head. Meep fainted. The Rabid Shadow Meepits, horrified at the conduct employed against their leader, piled onto Nano. The blue Shoyru was soon lost in a mass of dark shapes.

"Two down!" Leah exclaimed. "Do I hear 250k?"

"300k!" Sage bid. He held up his pillow menacingly. "_I'm_ the one getting her."

"Why do _you_ want a Belle doll?" Leah asked with a grin.

"Why else? She was in on that whole male Belle doll thing!" Sage frowned. The guild still hadn't forgotten that incident. "She'll get her return for that."

"300k by the revenge-seeking human," Leah said in a bored voice. "Do I hear 400k?"

"500k!" exclaimed Meep, suddenly reviving. She ran over to Sage and threw a Rabid Shadow Meepit at him. "You won't hurt my wittle huggably-wuggably Belle doll!"

"Ahh!" screamed the notorious Meepiphobic, hiding behind his steel-plated pillow. The RSM snuck up behind and poked him in the back. Sage fainted from fright.

Leah held her gavel like a microphone and took on the role of sports announcer. "And Meep's back up! But Sage is down! 600k, anyone?"

"750k, I suppose." Nimras held up her cheesegrater. "I wouldn't argue with me if I were you."

"What do you want with a Belle doll?" Leah couldn't contain her curiosity. "I thought you only cared about Jeran."

"My shower gets lonely when I'm not there. But she'll feel right at home with all the water." Nimras grinned.

"Ohhkay," Leah said. "750k by the Darigan-Meridell clan member. Do I hear 900k?"

"1.5 million Neopoints!" exclaimed Heather.

The guild stopped silent for a moment. The amazing sum held them all in frozen awe.

"Sheesh, you're rich," Meep said. "Why do you want to waste it on a Belle doll?"

"If it's a waste, why are you bidding?" the Royal Korbat countered.

Meep shrugged. "She's worth it to me."

"She's more valuable to me. She supports Meepits; I need her for my ranks!" Heather declared.

"Oh yeah?" Meep threw a Rabid Shadow Meepit at Heather in frustration.

"Hey, I'm a Meepit leader too!" Heather protested. The RSM ignored her and opened its mouth to bite. Heather turned on her chainsaw. "I think I need to operate on you, Meepit. Don't worry, when I'm done, you'll be happy to be with me forever!"

A tap on the podium with the gavel distracted Heather before she could put the RSM through surgery. "I have 1.5 million," said Leah, smug with the knowledge that she would get what she wanted out of this auction. She would be satisfied to sell Nut for one and a half million Neopoints, but she couldn't resist trying for more. "Do I hear two million?"

"_Five_ million!" said Nimras.

"Five million and _one_!"

Everyone turned to stare at the bidder who had put up that incredible amount. It was none other than the arrow-wielding elf, Dragonfly. The other bidders began groaning and grumbling to themselves. As much as they all wanted the Belle doll, they couldn't top that astronomical bid. Nimras sighed and wondered if a cheesegrater could beat a bow and arrows on the battlefield. She was distracted, however, by the sight of Jeran passing by, and gave chase, forgetting about the auction.

Leah was beside herself with glee. Five million Neopoints! That would certainly bolster her savings account. She tapped the podium with her gavel. "Going once…going twice…"

"Wait!" yelled Sage, suddenly jumping up. He looked around quickly to make sure that no Rabid Shadow Meepits were within his vicinity, and then crept over to the podium while using his pillow as a shield in case of a sudden strike from the enemies. "I bid five million and one Neopoints."

"Dragonfly already bid that much," Leah said. "You'll have to raise your bid."

"I can't," Sage said, staring the Weewoo firmly in the eye. "That's all I have."

Leah thought for a moment. "Throw in your pillow, and it's a deal."

Sage clutched said pillow protectively. "No way!"

"Okay, then, I hereby declare that Dragonfly and Sage will play three rounds of Super Smash Brothers Melee to decide who gets the Belle doll," Leah announced. "The winner takes Nut."

"You're on!" exclaimed Sage.

The elf and human were soon seated in front of the TV monitor, each with a game controller in their hands.

"Ready…set…" Leah said. "Fight!"

Fingers flew across the buttons like mad. Sage leaned towards the screen, straining to push Dragonfly's character over the edge. He almost had her…

"Come back, fuzzy!" Nimras ran in front of the screen, blocking Sage's view.

Dragonfly got back her edge and hurled Sage's character to his defeat.

"Noooo! Why do I always lose?" Sage wailed, pounding the floor with his fists.

"Face it, Sage, you're not that good at the game," Leah chortled.

"It was Nimras' fault! I would've won!" Sage clutched his forehead in frustration. The injustice was almost too much to bear at times.

"Excellent match, Dragonfly," Leah said with the grin of someone who was about to reel in five million-odd Neopoints. "As promised, you get the talking, complaining, stuck-up unbuyable Belle doll."

"Thank you!" Dragonfly said with a huge grin on her face.

Leah went over to her Safety Deposit Box and opened it. Before she had even gotten the door all the way open, the Belle doll came tumbling out. Nut looked dirty from being in the dusty safe for so long, but her appearance didn't stop her from being mad. She came out waving her arms and yelling, "Leah, how dare you! Let me at the ocean—I have to get back into the water!"

"Sorry. I just sold you to Dragonfly." Leah grabbed Nut by her tail and lifted into the air.

"_What_?" Nut cried, flailing wildly.

The White Weewoo dropped the Belle doll into Dragonfly's waiting arms. The elf whispered softly in Nut's ear, "You're mine now."

"I am not!" Nut screeched.

Leah folded her wings. "So, Dragonfly, where's my five million and one Neopoints?"

"Oh, I never had five million and one NP. I just said I did so I'd win the auction."

"_What_?" cried Sage. "I lost out to you and you didn't even have the money you were bidding?"

"_What_?" Leah yelled. "Give back that Belle doll!"

Dragonfly stuck her tongue out at them and ran off, carrying a struggling Nut in her arms. "She's mine! All mine!" she yelled maniacally, disappearing through a narrow door in NTAG.

"You still owe me for her!" Leah cried, taking up the chase. "You're going to pay me every Neopoint you have on you right now, and give me everything you earn until you make up the difference!"

Nut, in Dragonfly's arms, was fuming. _You'd think that for selling my mortal body and human rights, I'd at least get a cut of the profits._

_To be continued…_


	2. I Want My Doll Back!

_Author's Note: Gasp! I finally wrote chapter two! Amazing, eh:P I'm going to try to let myself off here by saying that I haven't had my computer for three weeks…but I have been using this one, so that's not a great excuse. I'm not letting my NTAG fics go for that long without an addition again, though… really. Anyway, enjoy the story!_

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"Where'd she go?" cried Leah. The little white Weewoo hovered in the air, whipping her head around in an attempt to catch sight of Dragonfly. The elf seemed to have vanished. The room she had gone into contained nothing but a bookshelf.

"She didn't leave any trail at all," Sage said, searching the floor for footprints.

Leah gritted her beak. "She won't get away with this! I might even charge her tax on that Belle doll for this hassle!"

Loud laughter erupted suddenly, filling the room and the ears of the human and Weewoo. "MUAHAHA!"

"That's Dragonfly!" cried Leah.

"YES! IT'S ME! BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME! MUAHAHAHAHA…"

"Quick! Find out where the sound's coming from!" Leah said, flying around the room in a frantic search for the source of the noise.

"HAHAHAHA…"

The maniacal cackling continued. "Doesn't she ever take a breath?" Leah muttered.

"HAHAHAHA…"

Sage covered his ears. "This is starting to get annoying."

"HAHAHAHA…"

"It's coming from behind the bookshelf!" Leah exclaimed.

"HAHAHAHA…"

The White Weewoo heaved herself against the side of the large bookshelf and began pushing with all her might. Sage watched in amazement as the bookshelf slid smoothly across the floor, revealing a large hole in the wall that had been hidden behind it.

"How'd you do that?" Sage asked, eyeing the heavy shelf and the small Weewoo.

"Elementary, my dear Sage," Leah said, casually flipping up her wings to reveal a pair of golden rings hanging from the white feathers. "Power bracelets."

"I should've known," Sage muttered.

"HAHAHAHA!" The maniacal laughter was louder and clearer than ever.

"Come on," the White Weewoo said, flying down low and zipping into the hole in the wall. "We're going after Dragonfly."

Sage hesitated, eyeing the dark emptiness beyond the hole. "Fine, but Pillow's going ahead of me." He shoved the steel-plated bedding accessory into the hole and then crawled in after it, pushing Pillow forward as he went.

The crawlspace was narrow and pitch dark. Dragonfly's manic cackle constantly floated through the tunnel. Sage inched along slowly, making sure that Pillow investigated the strange path ahead before he stepped forward himself, always following behind the dull sound of the Weewoo's beating wings.

"Leah?" he asked in a small voice. "Can you see where we're going?"

"I'm following the sound of the laughter," Leah replied.

"HAHAHAHA…" Dragonfly's voice echoed through the tunnel. Sage shuddered.

"So you can see where we're going?" Sage asked.

"No, not really," Leah said. "It's all totally dark."

"You mean you have no idea where you're leading me?"

"I'm leading you towards Dragonfly."

"Yeah, but for all you know, there could be a fifty-foot cliff up ahead and you wouldn't see the edge."

"That's all right; I can fly."

"Yeah, well, I can't!" Sage reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. Too bad."

None the more comfortable for the conversation, Sage advanced more and more gingerly as they went on. The laughter grew louder and louder.

"Dragonfly seems to be staying in one place for some reason," Leah muttered to herself.

The White Weewoo bumped into something hard in the dark. She whipped out a lantern, casting a magical glow around a small area of the tunnel.

"A magic lantern? Leah, just how much equipment did you steal from Link?" Sage asked.

"He's too busy playing with fairies to notice. Besides, I left the boomerang and the fire arrows in my room." Leah held the lantern close to the object she'd just stumbled upon. The Weewoo let out a groan.

Sage dared to peek over the top of his pillow to see what was the matter. He found himself looking at a tiny digital recorder—after all, who uses tape recorders these days?—stuck upright in the ground. Loud maniacal laughter was issuing from its speaker, the very sound that they had followed all the way down here.

"I can't believe we fell for the oldest trick in the book!" Leah fumed.

"'We'? You're the one who had the idea to follow the laughter," Sage pointed out.

"Quiet," Leah hissed. That crafty Dragonfly! How dare she lead them so far with a red herring! She was probably miles away by now, with Nut in her clutches.

"Well, Dragonfly had to plant this recorder here, right? Maybe she's up ahead," Sage suggested.

"I doubt it."

"It can't hurt to check."

"Fine, you go look for her."

"Me?" Sage gulped.

"Yeah."

"You're the one with wings! What if there's a fifty-foot cliff up ahead?"

"Oh, come on, who ever heard of a cliff inside an underground tunnel?" Leah scoffed.

"This is NTAG," Sage reminded her.

"Oh, right." Leah thought for a moment, and then zipped around behind Sage and pushed him forward. The human, unable to resist the force of the power bracelet-enhanced shove, went hurtling forward. His foot swept the edge of an incline, and he soon found himself hurtling down into empty black space. "AAAAAAHHH!"

Leah listened to Sage's fading scream. Flying calmly ahead, she observed the surroundings by the light of the magic lantern.

"Wow, a fifty-foot cliff. Who would've thought?"

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"MUAHAHA!"

Far away from Sage and Leah, in a brightly-lit room on the other side of a secret door in the wall of the room Dragonfly had disappeared in, a certain elf was laughing just as maniacally as her digital recording. In her hand she held a disheveled and very annoyed Belle doll.

"Oh, I love my auctioning skills! HAHAHA! Sage and Leah won't be coming back anytime soon now! HAHAHA! I can't stop laughing evilly for some reason! HAHA!" Dragonfly said gleefully.

Nut stared at her. "You're insane!" she said in dismay.

"But of course! We all are!" Dragonfly grinned.

"Good point." The Belle doll struggled to get out of Dragonfly's grasp, but what could a toy—albeit a living, breathing, moving toy—do against a manic, fully-armed elf?

"HAHAHA!" Dragonfly roared.

"Look, are you going to do something with me, or are you just going to sit there laughing like a maniac all day?" Nut asked, annoyed.

"I'll do something, just as soon as I get rid of this irresistible urge to laugh. Hold on, I'm working on it. HAHA, HAHA, HAHAHA…"

Nut sighed and folded her arms. Her scales felt dry and dusty from being out of water for so long. The ocean seemed like a distant memory.

"Ha… ha… ha. There, I think I've done it," Dragonfly said, apparently having gotten a handle on her maniacal laughter function. "Time to put my pretty Belle doll to work."

The elf stepped into an adjoining room. There, a desk was set up, on which lay stacks of books with pictures of Sloth on the covers and dozens of loose papers. A ray gun was acting as a paperweight. Behind the desk sat a man with wild, dark hair and a malicious glint in his eyes. He grinned evilly as Dragonfly entered the room and dropped Nut on his desk. The man's hand immediately fell to stroking the Belle doll.

"She's a pretty little thing," the man said. "As promised, Dragonfly, I will pay you 25,000 NP an hour for the right to pet this doll."

"Sounds great!" Dragonfly grinned. "I knew she was worth every coin of those five million and one Neopoints that I didn't pay!"

"Get your filthy fingers off me!" Nut jerked under the creepy man's hand, squirming and flinging her tail about. She happened to glance at one of the papers on his desk and was horrified to see that it was a list of death traps that were to go in an evil fortress. "Dragonfly!" she screeched. "I thought you said you'd give me to the _good_ boss! You know this goes against my moral values!"

Dragonfly shrugged. "Sorry, the evil boss pays better."

Nut glared, her eyes practically shooting beams of fire at the elf. The evil boss looked down at her in distaste. "Dragonfly," he said with a displeased expression on his face, "This wasn't in our deal. Take this doll back."

Dragonfly stared at him. "What? She's a Belle doll for you to stroke, just like you asked."

"I wanted a pretty little doll that would smile at me all day long, not an angry thing that screams all the time and wriggles like a fish!" the evil boss exclaimed, his voice growing louder. "Take her back!" He threw Nut at Dragonfly, who caught the Belle doll.

The elf looked at him in disbelief. "Okay, fine, but you were stroking her for about three minutes, which means you owe me…" She paused, thinking. "What's 25,000 divided by 60?"

"3,000?" Nut suggested.

"Okay, then, Mr. Evil Boss, you owe me 9,000 NP for the time you spent petting my Belle doll. Pay up!"

"That doll can't do math!" the evil boss yelled. "25,000 divided by 60 is 4!"

"I like the Belle doll's math better than yours!" Dragonfly said.

The evil boss grabbed a calculator and keyed in the problem. The answer that appeared on the screen was 4. "See, my calculator agrees with me!"

"And who programmed that calculator—Sloth when he was five years old?" Dragonfly shot back.

"No! I'll have you know I programmed my calculator myself!"

"Well, that explains it, doesn't it?" Dragonfly said.

"How dare you!" The evil boss grabbed his ray gun and aimed it at Dragonfly.

The elf drew her sword, prepared to fight.

ZAP! A bolt was fired from the gun.

SWISH! Dragonfly's sword cut through the air. The blade made contact with the ray. The energy bounced off of the metal and went hurtling back towards the evil boss. It hit him, and he shrank until they could see him no longer. His villainous clothing sunk to the floor in a heap.

"He melted?" Nut asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Goo-goo. Gaga." A baby poked his head out of the pile of clothing.

Dragonfly eyed the ray gun. "Say, is that Leah's?"

"Must be," Nut said.

Dragonfly groaned. "Rats. Now I've got to hire a babysitter for this evil guy." She glanced at the Belle doll in her arms.

"Don't look at me," Nut said quickly. "I'm off limits for childcare jobs at NTAG."

"Rats, again," Dragonfly said in frustration. She walked out of the room containing the evil babyfied boss and headed over to a large glass tank sitting on a shelf. She dropped Nut into it and shut the lid over her.

"Hey!" Nut yelled, pounding on the glass.

"Sit there and be a good Belle doll while I call a sitter." Dragonfly walked over to a phone and dialed a number. "Hello, operator? Virtupets Space Station, please. Yes. Hello? Oh, hi, Sloth. Could you do me a favor? Yeah, there's an evil guy here who needs some… instruction… from an evil genius like you. Want to come down and pick him up? Great, thanks."

A few minutes later, the green villain in a black trench coat walked into the room, grinning as usual. "Where is the puny mortal who is in need of learning my superior evil ways?" he asked.

"In that room," Dragonfly said, pushing the evil doctor towards the room where the evil boss was held. "I think your first lesson should be on how to evade Boochi's ray gun. Or Leah's ray gun, whichever you prefer."

As soon as Sloth stepped through the doorway, Dragonfly locked the door behind him. "There. He can take care of that evil boss until he grows up again."

Dr. Sloth's outraged yell upon discovering the true nature of his errand into NTAG fell upon deaf ears. Or, if they weren't deaf, their owner was too busy fending off another bout of uncontrollable laughter to pay any attention to it.

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Meanwhile, down in the dark depths of the tunnel, at the bottom of a rather tall cliff, a certain human was alternately flailing for his life and petrified solid with fear. It would be just Sage's luck to fall off a fifty-foot drop and land in a pit of Rabid Shadow Meepits. Just his luck indeed…

Above, a White Weewoo was hovering, with a measuring tape held firmly in her beak. "Sage, you were wrong after all," she announced. "It's not a fifty-foot cliff. It's forty-nine feet and a quarter-inch."

"You think I care about how tall that cliff is now?" Sage screamed. "When I'm trapped in a hole containing about three hundred and sixty-eight evil Meepits?"

Leah watched as the dark mass of Meepits surged towards Sage's face. "It looks like more than that to me, actually. Let's see… one, two, three, four…"

To be continued… 

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed it! Ooh, and I just had to leave you with another "to be continued", didn't I? Have no fear, it won't take as long to find out what happens next as it did the first time. I've arranged things so that I won't dare fail to write the next par—

_Gruff voice in the background: Time for your torture._

_Familiar-sounding Belle doll-like voice: Aaah, please, no! Have mercy!_

_Gruff voice: You're paying me to do this until you write that next segment, remember? Now here comes the… FEATHER DUSTER OF DOOOM!_

_Belle doll voice: AAAAAHHH!_

_-fade to black-_


	3. Meepit Tunnels

"She WHAT?"

Belle's cheerful smile upon stepping into NTAG was rapidly turning into an indignant frown.

"She auctioned her off," Nano repeated, grinning and taking a bite of some cheese. "There was a huge commotion about it, too. I bid on her, but I didn't win the auction. That's okay, though; now I have more Neopoints to spend on cheese!" The blue Shoyru took a great chomp of her beloved dairy product.

"She auctioned off a precious Belle doll? The nerve!"

"Yup. It was Leah, after all."

"Where's Nut now?"

"Dragonfly got her for five million and one NP. Only she didn't pay any of it. She took Nut and ran off."

"And where is Dragonfly?"

Nano shrugged. "She went through that door over there."

"And Leah?"

"She and Sage followed Dragonfly."

Belle hurried towards the door in question. "Wait till I get my hands on Leah!" she exclaimed.

"Wait!" Meep cried, leaping in front of the Water Faerie. "You can't go in there!"

"Why not?" Belle asked with a frown.

"You—you just can't!" Meep pushed past Belle and darted through the doorway, shutting the door after her and leaving the Water Faerie standing outside.

"How rude!" Belle grumbled.

Nano watched, chewing her cheese in quiet fascination. "I'm betting someone ish going to be turned into a mercreature for this." She nodded to herself, pleased with her prediction.

"Probably two mercreatures, at least," Slamina voiced her opinion.

"Think so?" Nano asked. "Who?"

With an aggravated glance at the two, Belle blasted a streak of magic at them. Moments later, a pair of oysters sat where Nano and Slamina had been, one of which was trying to get her shell around a piece of cheddar.

The other oyster looked down at herself. "Make that at least four."

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Meep stared in horror at the uncovered hole in the wall, with the bookcase pushed to one side of it. "They found it," she whispered in dismay. "Our secret is out."

A Rabid Shadow Meepit hopped up to her and gave her a worried glance. The Silver Lupess sank to the floor. "All the time we spent digging the tunnel… the care we took to hide it…"

The door began to open. Meep jumped; Belle was coming in. The Lupess rushed to the hole in the wall and ducked through it, uttering a quick command to the RSM as she went running down the tunnel. The RSM nodded and scurried off, barking a call to the other Meepits.

Belle walked into the room to find a crowd of Rabid Shadow Meepits panting as they pushed a bookcase into the corner of the room. Those creatures had such peculiar behavior sometimes. She looked around quickly, and gritted her teeth as she realized that Meep had vanished.

The Silver Lupess ran down the dark, narrow tunnel, her heart pounding. The bookcase had slammed into place behind her. Meep seemed to know exactly where she was going as she ran through the twisting underground corridors. She took a quick glance at the ground and frowned. There were fresh tracks in the dirt. Pillow tracks.

"Sage is going to get it!" Meep shrieked, anger filling her thoughts. She quickened her pace, running through the earthen halls at a breakneck speed. She heard loud meeping and squealing coming from somewhere up ahead. The Lupess turned livid. "If he's done anything to my RSMs—!"

Some distance up ahead, a voice could be heard calmly counting. "One hundred and twenty-two, one hundred and twenty-three…"

Screams of anguish came from the pit below her. The unprotected human's worst nightmares were coming true. The Meepits were attacking him, with no thought of mercy.

"One hundred and twenty-five, one hundred and… oh, darn, is that the same one? I can't tell. Oh well, one hundred and twenty-six, one hundred and…"

"LEAH! Stop counting Meepits and HELP ME!" Sage screeched. "For the love of cheese, throw Pillow down here!" He cast a hopeless glance upwards. Through the screen of Rabid Shadow Meepits that covered his face, he could just barely see his steel-plated Meepit attack Pillow sitting at the top of that forty-nine-feet-and-a-quarter-inch-tall cliff.

"I haven't finished counting!" Leah protested.

"Who cares? Just—AAAAAAAH!" Sage screeched as he felt more little claws digging into his skin. He wondered how easily rabies transferred.

"Now you made me lose count!" Leah grumbled. Heaving a great sigh, she said, "I'll have to start all over again. One… two…"

Sage cried out in dismay. He desperately wanted to escape._ Run_, his instincts told him, but he couldn't get his footing on the Meepits that surrounded him—and besides which, he was far too scared to try. _Surrender_, was his next thought. "I give up!" he yelled. "Stop! Let me go!"

The Meepits only pressed on. Angry Meepits never listen to pleas for mercy. Sage hated to think what this would be like if he were a Feepit.

"SAGE!" came an outraged yell as a furious Lupess burst into view. "HOW DARE YOU! Trespassing in my personal Meepit hideout! Disturbing my Rabid Shadow Meepits! Defiling the tunnels with pillow tracks! For THAT—" The enraged Lupess sent a blast of magic down into the pit of Rabid Shadow Meepits.

Sage felt himself shrinking and changing form as the Meepits clawed at him. In his last seconds of being a human, he shrieked, "It wasn't my idea! _Leah_ dragged me down here! _She_ pushed me off the cliff! I never—Feep! Feep!"

_Oh, no, not again,_ Sage thought in horror. The RSMs's eyes widened at the sight of their mortal enemy lying helpless before them. With several loud meeps, they set in on him even more relentlessly.

"That'll teach him to dive in a pit of _my_ Rabid Shadow Meepits!" cried Meep triumphantly.

"Why d' ya think he dove in, anyway?" Leah asked with a falsely sympathetic glance at the place where the Feepit had been before he had been pulled under a blanket of RSMs.

"I don't know. He's just crazy or something, I guess. He got what he deserved." Meep shook her fist.

"Yeah, pretty sad. Poor guy must've felt so hopeless after losing that last Super Smash Brothers match that he was driven to desperation." Leah shook her head.

"That makes sense. By the way, why are you down here?" Meep asked politely.

"Oh, just an errand," Leah said.

Meep nodded understandingly. "I can't believe Sage dared to trespass into the private tunnels of the RSMs."

"Yeah. I think Dragonfly's been around this place, too," Leah added.

Meep's eyes widened. "How dare she! She's asking for the Feepit treatment! Where is she?" the Lupess demanded.

"Well, that's what I'd like to find out. Want to help me look for her?" Leah asked.

"Yes, come on! Dragonfly will pay!" The Lupess hurried away, with the Weewoo by her side. Neither gave a thought to the fading feeps of anguish coming from the RSM pit.

Forty-nine feet and a quarter inch above, a Rabid Shadow Meepit came hurrying through the tunnel on some nefarious mission or other. It was headed towards the RSM pit to talk to its cohorts. Just before it reached the place, it stopped in horror at the sight of the large metal-plated thing sitting up ahead. Enemy forces had invaded their tunnels!

The scent of a nearby RSM tickled Pillow's nose. The Meepit tried to run, but Pillow was faster. He leaped, landing smack on top of the RSM. Terrified meeps ensued, but the attack pillow would not be swayed from his duty. They fought hard, but Pillow clearly had the upper hand. The RSM's only hope lay in its fellows. "Meep!" it cried shrilly.

The distress signal reached the ears of the RSMs in the pit. Waves of Meepits tore up the forty-nine-feet-and-a-quarter-inch cliff face, pouring into the tunnel and bearing down on Pillow. The steel-plated cushion took them all on, boldly attacking the squadrons of RSMs. More reinforcements had to be called out of the pit, but Pillow would not be defeated. A full-scale war raged in the tunnel—hundreds of Rabid Shadow Meepits versus a single steel-plated pillow. And Pillow was winning.

Down below, a lone Feepit, covered with bites and scratches and generally hurting all over, realized that the slashing claws were gone. All of the RSMs had rushed out of the pit.

"I'm safe!" he cried.

Alone in a pit, with a forty-nine-foot-and-a-quarter-inch-tall cliff around him, surrounded by darkness, with no food or water, in the form of a tiny Winter Petpet, and severely wounded.

Things were looking up.

------------------------------------------

"Let me out!" yelled the Belle doll, beating her tiny fists against the sides of her tank.

"Let me out!" bellowed Dr. Sloth, pounding on the locked door.

Dragonfly only laughed. "I'm so good at this; I should really be a jail warden." The elf was busy sprucing up several clumps of Shimmery Seagrass. The plants had lost a bit of their shine after being shut up in a drawer for weeks after that day they'd been hauled out of the Underwater Fishing Hole, but Dragonfly was fixing that. "Toenail polish is good for everything these days," she smiled to herself as she finished work on the last plant and screwed on the cap to the bottle of polish.

The elf advanced towards the tank in which a very angry Nut was held. Dragonfly held the doll with one hand to keep her from escaping while she dropped the seagrass into the tank and arranged it around the Belle doll. Then, taking a bucket full of liquid from nearby, she filled the tank with the clear fluid and placed Nut back in.

Happy for the first time since this whole ordeal had started, Nut reveled in the wonderful wetness creeping up her scales. "At last!" she sighed. "Water!"

"It's not water," Dragonfly said.

"What is it, then?" Nut asked, wondering if this might be related to why her eyes were starting to sting.

"As I said, toenail polish is good for everything these days."

"… I'm swimming in _toenail polish_?" Nut screeched.

Dragonfly shrugged. "I had a lot of it on hand."

"What, and getting some plain water from the sink is too difficult for you?" Nut choked as she tried to inhale oxygen from the liquid surrounding her. "Isn't nail polish poisonous or something?"

"The bottle says 'Keep out of reach of children', but it doesn't say anything about not swimming in it."

"They probably figured nobody would be crazy enough to think of swimming in it in the first place."

"Well, your magic will protect you, right?" Dragonfly said with a shrug. "Besides, then I won't have to polish the seagrass again."

The mention of seagrass distracted Nut as she turned to look at the shimmering plants. "Ooh, pretty," she said dreamily, watching their leaves bend and sway in the water—er, toenail polish.

Dragonfly grinned wickedly to herself. "She's too much like Belle for her own good. She just can't resist pretty, shiny things! Now that I've got her mesmerized with the seagrass, I can take her on tours and earn millions. Imagine how many people will want to see a living, moving, talking Belle doll that lives in an aquarium full of toenail polish! It'll be a sensation!" Dragonfly cackled gleefully. "And at night I can keep her beside my table while I do my homework and watch her swim. I always wanted a pet fish, but a pet Belle doll is even better!"

From the other side of the wall, Dragonfly heard Belle calling, "Where are you, Dragonfly? What have you done with Nut?"

"MUAHAHAHA! She'll never get in!" Dragonfly laughed to herself, looking at the hidden door with a pleased expression. Belle couldn't possibly find the cleverly disguised entrance, and even if she did, it would open only to an elf.

Belle did not find the hidden door. However, Dragonfly found herself watching in astonishment as the entire wall she was staring at rippled and dissolved. Water began to gush from the ceiling in its stead, and a certain Water Faerie stepped through the pouring sheets of droplets. "Dragonfly!" she exclaimed.

"No fair!" the elf yelled. "You can't turn the wall into a waterfall!"

"Of course I can." Belle glared at her. "You should know that nothing limits my abilities in water transformation magic!"

"I mean that you can't just step through the waterfall like that!" Dragonfly protested.

"Well, I did." Belle crossed her arms. "Where's Leah?" she demanded.

A grin spread across Dragonfly's face. "SHE'LL NEVER FIND ME! MUAHAHA!"

"Uh, so do you know where she is?"

"THE PLAN WAS BRILLIANT! MUAHAHA!"

"Right… where is she?"

"SHE FELL FOR IT COMPLETELY! HAHAHA!"

"Okay… where's Sage?"

"THAT OLD TRICK WORKS EVERY TIME! WAHAHA!"

"Will you give me a straight answer?"

"HAHAHA!"

"Stop laughing like that!"

"I CAN'T! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN—I CAN'T STOP—I—HAHAHA!" Dragonfly collapsed on the floor, laughing insanely.

"Stop this nonsense!" Belle fired magic at the elf, reducing her to the form of a Crabula. The watery Petpet promptly dissolved into a giggle fit.

"Nut's got to be in here somewhere," Belle said, looking around. Her eyes lit up as she spotted the tank. "Found her!" The Water Faerie crouched down in front of the glass, intending to take off the lid and save Nut. She found her eyes attracted to the shining seagrass waving in the liquid. "Ooh, pretty colors," Belle breathed, sitting down to admire the arrangement.

ZAP! Belle whirled around just in time to see a door at one side of the room shrink down into a tiny piece of unvarnished wood. Dr. Sloth stepped over the babyfied door, looking as mad as a green chicken. He was holding Leah's ray gun in one hand and gingerly carrying an infant in the other.

"There are NO spare diapers in that room!" Sloth yelled, clearly distraught.

Belle wrinkled her nose. The rumors about Sloth's lack of deodorant seemed to be true. Perhaps he'd be more willing to take showers if he were used to the water…

One flash of magic later, the green man was gone and a sea turtle sat in his place. The child took one look at him and burst out crying.

"Poor baby. Here." Belle turned the babyfied boss into a tuna. "Is that better?" she asked with a smile. "By the way, Sloth, would you care to join the Water Tribe?"

The sea turtle just turned and rushed away, looking embarrassed.

"Sloth always was a coward," Nut said, watching through the glass of her tank. "He looks better as a turtle than a chicken."

Belle smiled. Stepping over to the tank, she lifted off the lid and took Nut out. "What is this stuff?" she asked, wrinkling her nose as she put her hands into the liquid. "It's not water."

"Clear toenail polish," Nut grumbled.

"What?" Belle's eyes opened wide. She whirled to face the giggling Crabula, wrath burning in her eyes. "Dragonfly! Your inhumane treatment of this Belle doll is inexcusable!"

The Crabula turned into a tadpole. Satisfied, Belle turned away, only to find that the floorboards were lifting in front of her. A trapdoor swung open, and a Silver Lupess and a White Weewoo stepped out of it.

Leah spotted Nut in the Water Faerie's hand immediately. She flew up and grabbed the doll in her talons, wrenching her away from Belle. "I got her!" Leah exclaimed triumphantly. She looked around, intending to glare at Dragonfly. "Uh—where is Dragonfly?"

Belle pointed to the tadpole.

Leah glared at the tadpole. "You're not getting this doll back unless you pay me those five million and one Neopoints. Plus tax."

"I don't think so." Nut focused her energy, willing herself to transform.

Leah's eyes widened as she found herself clinging to a very large Purple Kiko. The Kiko gave a powerful bounce, flinging the Weewoo off. Grabbing her Meepit launcher in one fin, she trained the weapon on Leah, her frown set. The pink head of a Meepit poked out of the barrel of the loaded and ready launcher. "Now who's…" Nut found herself suddenly unable to come up with a suitable cliché line. "Now who's… um… now who's at the other end of the launcher?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Lame, Nut, lame. You need lessons on trump lines."

Nut frowned and tightened her grip on the trigger of the Meepit launcher.

Leah smirked. "Hah, you think I'm afraid of some puny Meepit? I'm a Weewoo, and we totally pwn those Meepits."

Belle nodded in agreement.

Meep stared at the Weewoo in disbelief. Anger boiled up in her eyes once more. "Puny Meepits?" she exclaimed. "PUNY MEEPITS? So you think you pwn, huh? You pwn us _puny_ Meepits, huh? That's what you think?"

"Yeah," the Weewoo said. Leah would be Leah, after all.

"GET HER!"

The Rabid Shadow Meepits dived on Leah. "Hey, keep off!" she said, flying away quickly. "Don't you see my shades? I'm a cool jazzy Weewoo, so, like, lay off!"

The Meepits growled. Nut took aim. Belle sighed and fired a blast of magic.

The Weewoo fell from the air as her wings and tail transformed into fins. Belle caught her in a jar full of water and screwed on the lid.

"HEY!" Leah the Merweewoo yelled.

"That was for auctioning off a priceless Belle doll in the first place," the Water Faerie informed her.

Nut took the jar, a ruthless grin forming on her face. "I know what to do with you now…"

A few minutes later, NTAG was abuzz. Members ran to and fro, yelling out prices and counting their Neopoints. A Purple Kiko stood at Leah's podium, grinning widely as she clutched the gavel. The jar of water containing a struggling and rather angry Leah sat beside her.

"Fellow NTAGers, what am I bid for this unique Merweewoo?" Nut cried. "Do I hear 100 NP?"

------------------------------------------

Down in the depths of the Meepit tunnels, surrounded by piles of unconscious RSMs, Pillow finally managed to pull Sage up from the pit.

"Feep," the little creature panted in gratitude, rubbing his Meepit-given wounds. He looked around the dark tunnels uncertainly. _How do we get out of this nightmarish place?_

Pillow, like a true padded friend, heard Sage's thoughts. "Don't worry," Pillow whispered. "Just follow me. We'll be out of here in no time."

Sage smiled gratefully. He could always count on Pillow. Obediently the little Feepit trotted along behind Pillow as they headed down the tunnels.

Five hours later, they were still in the dark labyrinth. Despite Sage's exhaustion and pain, he felt he had learned valuable lessons from this ordeal.

_Never trust a Weewoo wearing power bracelets…_

_Never tell a Meepit you surrender…_

And above all, Sage thought wearily as he followed Pillow around one more corner…

_Never assume that a bedding accessory has a better sense of direction than you do._

**The End**


	4. Valentines Puppy Love

Ah, Valentine's Day, the day of love and sidebars and pink things and all that stuff. The day when chocolate sellers and flower vendors make a killing and girls expect to be showered in expensive gifts, while boys anticipate that they'll be broke by the end of the day. But such is the price of love in this commercialized world; true love can't be bought, but a diamond ring might be a good enough bribe to fake it.

The holiday had hit NTAG as well. Jeran was, for once, not running from Nimras; the two were walking down the halls together as friendly as could be. Leah had admitted to her crush on the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy. As for everyone else, they were just sharing the love.

Or at least, sharing as much love as Rabid Shadow Meepits had to offer. A small, dusty Feepit tore through the halls, screaming loudly as a single RSM chased him.

Meep looked up. "How on Neopia did he manage to escape from the pit? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter." She walked over to the RSM and scolded, "Bad Rabid Shadow Meepit! It's Valentine's Day. Go apologize to Sage. And give him this," she added, handing the RSM a small rose.

The RSM trotted up to Sage and pressed the blossom into the Feepit's paw. Sage stared at the flower, not knowing what to think. "Th-thank you," he stammered, eyeing the RSM self-consciously. "I… um… thanks, but… I…"

Pow! A tiny fist struck the Feepit in the nose. Sage fainted. The RSM walked away, satisfied.

"Oh, poor little Feepit. Here." A burst of magic engulfed Sage, and he transformed into a shiny pearl. Belle smiled. "Isn't he pretty?"

"Ooh, yes," Nut said, floating over. She strung Sage into a pearl necklace and clasped it around her neck. "I'll wear him to the next watery party."

"I'm a piece of jewelry?" Sage stared at himself in horror. "I don't feel that this is a dignified position for a man to be in!"

"Why not? One of the greatest honors a pearl can have is a place in a necklace. Just think how much you're worth now!" Nut smiled and bobbed off.

A White Weewoo flew in through an open window and fluttered over to Nut. It dropped a pink envelope sealed with a red heart in her lap, winked, and sailed off.

Nut's eyes brightened. A mysterious valentine letter… Could she have a secret admirer? She carefully separated the red heart seal from the paper, taking care not to damage the envelope, and pulled open the flap with such force that a long rip appeared in the pink paper. The Purple Kiko lifted out the enclosed message. Taking a deep breath, she read the words written on the paper.

"Because you placed in the top 3, a piece of artwork has been added to your Inventory and you have been awarded 200 Neopoints!" Nut gasped. Her heart started to beat faster. _Someone thought I was one of the top three valentine candidates in all Neopia? And they sent me a piece of artwork—no doubt lovingly crafted with their own hands—and a gift of money! Could a mysterious valentine be any sweeter?_

Luau came floating over to the love struck Purple Kiko, holding up a piece of pink paper. Nut looked at it and gasped. "You got the same letter I did! Who do you suppose our shy admirer is? Whoever it is must be a male Kiko/Belle doll, since both of us Kiko/Belle dolls have gotten this message. Keep an eye out for—"

Luau looked at her quizzically. "Um, these are form letters. TNT sends them out to everyone who places in the World Challenges every hour, remember?"

"TNT? I never would have thought!" Nut gasped. "To think that The Neopets Team themselves would start sending valentines to Neopians… and yet we're not allowed to put romance in the Times! They're breaking their own rules!"

"What makes you think these are valentines?" Luau asked, staring at her notice.

"Well, obviously! Can't you see the color of the paper? And the little heart-shaped seal?"

"Valentine's sidebar Neomail icons," Luau reminded her.

"Oh… nerts."

At that moment, Leah came flying up to the two Kikos. "Who got a love letter from TNT? I want to see!" she exclaimed.

"They're not really…" Luau began.

Leah grabbed the pink paper from Nut's fins and read the letter with intense interest. When she finished, she bounced up and down and exclaimed, "Do you think the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy wrote those? Ooh, do you think he did?"

"I have no idea," Nut said.

"He does all that game stuff! He could have!" Leah cried with mounting excitement. A dreamy look came over her face. "You're so lucky!" The dreamy look was quickly replaced by a jealous look, however. She turned to face the two Kikos and yelled, "Hey! Why does he send love letters to YOU two and not to ME? I'M the one who spent hours stalking him so I could give him a valentine card! I'M the one who ran him down and totally mauled him in the games room! I'M the one who went to all that trouble—and all YOU did was win a World Challenge! It's not fair! Just because you two play games and I get my money from restocking, the Orange Shirt Guy likes you better than me! He's… he's biased towards people with slow Internet connections! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I CAN RESTOCK SEVENTEEN MVCs IN A WEEK!"

Leah stormed out of the room. Luau and Nut looked at each other and shrugged.

Nut sighed as she trudged down the hall towards the NTAG ocean. She changed into her Belle doll form and dove in. No secret admirer. No gifts. Nothing but a misleading sidebar. What a Valentine's Day this was.

"Where's my male Belle doll in shining armor come to rescue me from the depths of being unloved?" she asked, trying to look like a tragic mermaid.

"Hey! I'm a PEARL!" Sage exclaimed. "A PEARL!"

"I'm glad you've come to appreciate your form."

"That's not what I—"

Before Sage could finish, he found himself falling off of Nut. He landed in the silt on the bottom of the ocean. Staring up, he saw no sign of the Belle doll that had been wearing him. Instead, he saw a peculiar lumpy brown doll with fins.

"It works! It works!" a squeaky voice exclaimed with glee.

Nut stared at herself, and then at the potato that was laughing at her from the bank. "What did you do to me?" she exclaimed.

"I'm learning transformation magic from miss Belle," the potato replied. "I learned the spell for turning things into merdolls of myself! You are now a merpotatodoll!"

"I'm a what?" Nut cried.

"You're a merpotatodoll! You're simply beautiful! So lumpy and dusty! And your eyes are stunning!" The potato chuckled happily. "Now I can go about changing all of NTAG into merpota—"

"Yum." A hand swept the potato up off the ground and bit a chunk out of it. "Raw potatoes are pretty good," Mashy said contentedly.

"Honestly." Nut frowned. "Where was I? Oh, yes. I don't have a valentine. If only some kind guy would—"

A handsome young Kiko suddenly charged into the room, carrying a large bouquet of flowers. He looked around quickly, his cheeks turning a deep red. "Er, um, e-excuse me, is there a girl named Nut here?"

"Yes, that's me."

The Kiko blinked, staring at the bumpy brown tuber that was swimming in the water before him. Stitches held its plushie sides together. The creature batted her many eyes at him. He stepped back, looking highly disturbed. "Er, never mind. Bye." He turned and rushed away.

"Honestly!" Nut said with a frown. "Am I never to have a valentine?" she mourned.

"What's with the drama?" Sage asked.

Nut glared at him. "It's a subtle hint."

"You know," a voice came from above, "my new puppy doesn't have a date either."

Nut looked up and met the eyes of Nimras. "Well, it stands to reason. I mean… he's a puppy."

"And you're a merpotato," Sage muttered.

"MerpotatoDOLL!" Nut corrected.

"Furry valentines are the best kind," Nimras said with a grin.

"Are you suggesting something?" Nut gave the Lupess a quizzical look.

"Well, Jeran and I could use someone to babysit Puppy while we go on a date. I mean… you two would be perfect for each other!"

"Hold on. You want me to go on a date with your puppy?"

"Why not?" Nimras grinned.

-------------------------------------------

"I don't recall agreeing to this." Nut stared into the canine eyes of the furry valentine that sat wagging his tail in front of her. He towered above the merpotatodoll.

"Jeran and I should be back sometime tonight, late. Have fun!" The two Lupes headed for the door. "I trust you not to completely destroy my NTAG room, Nut. After all, you're a responsible… merpotatodoll. Right?"

"Yeah, sure. Have a nice time at the movies," Nut said.

The door closed. Nut turned to Puppy. "Well, you and I are alone now. What shall we… um…"

A large wet nose was lowering down on Nut. Sniff. Sniff. Class of object determined. Food: positive. Puppy grinned and opened his mouth.

"YAGH!" The merpotatodoll jumped up and ran across the room, with Puppy barking joyfully in pursuit. Nut raced into the kitchen. Finding herself cornered against a wall, she dove into a nearby garbage can and began yelling, "Nice puppy! Good boy! Go over there, please!"

The sound of the door handle turning met her ears. Nimras's voice entered the room, "I forgot my wallet."

Puppy barked excitedly, pushing against the garbage can. It toppled over, spilling banana peels and plastic wrappers all over the kitchen floor. Nut's eyes widened as she saw Nimras coming into the kitchen. The merpotatodoll glanced up and saw a wallet sitting on a counter. "Why don't you look for your wallet in—in your room or something?" Nut cried desperately.

"But I can see it's right here." Nimras picked up the wallet and looked down at the trashcan lying on its side and the garbage scattered over the floor. "Oh dear, I hope you clean that up."

"Of course," Nut said, embarrassed. She wet a Kleenex and began scrubbing up the floor with it, while evading Puppy's playful attempts to catch her in his mouth.

Nimras returned to Jeran, who was standing by the door, and said worriedly, "Do you think they'll be all right alone together?"

Jeran shrugged and cocked an ear towards the kitchen.

"Don't track the mess all over the floor!"

"Woof!"

"Don't eat the garbage, either!"

"Woof, woof!"

"And DON'T EAT ME!"

"WOOF!"

"ARGH!"

"I guess they'll be fine," Nimras said uncertainly, heading out the door.

In a corner of the kitchen, Nut was brandishing a large wooden rolling pin. Puppy jumped at her, a wide smile plastered on his face.

Nut raised the rolling pin to block him. His teeth met the wood. Nut drew it back and countered his next strike in the same manner. The two dueled across the kitchen floor, the merpotatodoll on the defensive with the rolling pin and Puppy lunging with his teeth bared.

"Hiyah! Hoy! Hup! Ha!" Nut spun around, twirling the rolling pin swiftly to block Puppy's dives at her. "HA!" She held the pin out in front of her as a shield.

Puppy sunk his teeth into the wood and began dragging Nut along by the rolling pin.

"Hey!" Nut cried, struggling to regain control. Puppy pulled her all over the kitchen.

CRASH!

"I just cleaned that up after the first time!" Nut moaned, looking at the tipped over garbage can.

"Excuse me, I forgot my keychain." The front door opened again.

"Agh!" Nut bounced along through the air, clinging to the rolling pin as Puppy went running towards Nimras.

The White Lupess eyed her grinning puppy. "You be a good boy and treat your date nicely, all right?"

"Woof?" Puppy cocked his head at Nimras.

"Yes, that's right." Nimras glanced into the kitchen on her way to get the keychain. "Remember to clean up all that spilled garbage, by the way."

Nut banged her head into the wall.

"All right, well… have a nice time," Nimras said as she exited through the door.

When she was gone, Puppy looked at Nut, panting happily. Nut frowned. "Okay. You're going to be a good boy and not try to eat me… right?"

Puppy yawned.

Nut decided to try another tactic. She clasped her fins together and said, "Oh Puppy, be my valentine!"

Puppy's eyes brightened. He wagged his tail and headed out of the room.

"Finally," Nut muttered to herself. "Now I can clean up that trash without worrying about being chased." She headed into the kitchen to deal with the mess there.

"Woof."

Not long after she'd begun the task, Nut looked up and found Puppy standing in front of her, carrying a fresh rose in his mouth. He dropped it at Nut's fins and trotted off.

"Why, thank you, Puppy," Nut said in astonishment. She looked at the rose for a moment and then turned back to her work.

Shortly, Puppy returned with another rose. He continued to bring Nut roses all the while that she was cleaning up the trash. By the time she had finished, there was a pile of bright red roses lying before her, and Puppy was grinning at her and wagging his tail.

"I'd better find a vase for these," Nut said, amazed at the puppy's behavior. She moved forward, staring at the roses—and not paying attention to where the trashcan was.

CRASH!

Nut slapped her forehead.

"I'm back again! I forgot my plushie," Nimras said, walking in through the door.

Nut looked up. "Your plushie?"

"Yes, I bring him everywhere with me." Nimras grabbed a plush toy and headed back out the door. "Say, you still haven't cleaned up that junk in the kitchen."

"GAH!" Nut screeched.

Nimras looked at her quizzically and ducked out the door.

Shortly, a muffled shout was heard from outside, "MY ROSE GARDEN!"

"Since when do you keep a rose garden?"

"Jeran planted it just for me this Valentine's Day! I was going to treasure the roses forever! How did they get all dug up?" Nimras asked sadly.

Nut pointed to Puppy.

Puppy lifted a paw and pointed it to Nut.

"HEY!" Nut exclaimed. Puppy grinned innocently at her.

Nimras glared at Nut. "If you weren't dating my puppy, I'd take a cheesegrater to you. But I'll give you another chance. Goodbye, now." The door closed.

Nut groaned and turned to Puppy. He had taken a seat at Nimras's dining room table, which was set for two. A bowl of dog food was positioned at one end. At the other, there was a plate of mashed potatoes.

The merpotatodoll sat down at her place, sighing. This was a date, after all, and it wouldn't be complete without a romantic dinner.

The door opened once again. "Oops, I just realized I forgot my teabag!" Nimras came walking in, seeming to have forgotten about her roses.

Nut jumped up. "Are you making excuses for coming back in to check on us?"

"Of course not."

"Why do you need to bring a teabag to the movies?"

"Not everyone likes soda with their popcorn, you know." Nimras grabbed a teabag and waved as she left. Nut shook her head.

It was then that she noticed how short she was as a merpotatodoll. Her head was nowhere near the tabletop. She couldn't possibly reach her food.

Nut grabbed a bucket from the kitchen and set it on her chair. Puppy watched with interest as she filled it with water. Nut jumped into the bucket and bobbed to the surface, making her level with the tabletop. She reached towards the plate with her food on it.

"Oof!"

"Ergh!"

"Erf!"

Her merpotatodoll arm length wasn't nearly as long, either. Nut stared at the food sitting a couple of feet across from her, trying to think out the problem.

Sensing her plight, Puppy leaped across the table and knocked the plate of potatoes into the bucket, covering Nut with mashed potato mush.

"AGH!"

Puppy grabbed Nut and began licking her.

Nimras walked in again. "Sorry, I forgot the lucky suction cup that I always bring to the movies."

"You ARE making excuses!" Nut cried.

"Oh, of course not." Nimras watched Puppy licking the mashed potato-covered merpotatodoll that he held above a large water-filled bucket sitting in one of the chairs.

"WILL YOU JUST LEAVE?" Nut screeched, her face turning red.

"As soon as I find my lucky suction cup…" Nimras walked into the kitchen. "Hey! There's still garbage all over the floor here!"

"AAAAAGH!"

_To be continued…_

-------------------------------------------

_Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it, though this is mainly just a setup for the rest of the date. To mimic Sage's words, I thought you'd rather have a seven-page chapter now than a fifteen-page one later…_

_Leah: It looks more like seven-and-a-sixth-page chapter to me._

_Yeah, and not enough humor in it, either. Sorry it was lacking a bit in laughs._

_Leah: I thought it was funny!_

_Sage: Yeah, and you thought it was FUNNY when I was being savagely attacked by Rabid Shadow Meepits in the last chapter, right?_

_Leah: Of course._

_Sage: … I thought it was funny too._

_Leah: Great, let me throw you back in that pit now so I can finish counting the Meepits._

_Sage: NO!_


End file.
